I'm still new at this....

Hello, I just joined the forum. I feel like I've been here before back in high school but, I lost my profile information and kind of fell off. At a young age I always found myself drawn to anything dealing with vampires, from watching all the movies, to reading only vampire books, and dressing up like one every year for Halloween. I hate to admit this but I even fell into the Twilight Saga nonsense for a while, I was a stupid teenager. I was in the 11th grade when I first found out about the existence of real vampires, my first encounter was with a girl I had known since we were in preschool. She confided in me one night while were hanging out drinking, not really coming out about it but being very discreet about it. We hung out all the time after that and eventually she felt comfortable enough to come out and tell me about herself and how she became this way. Afterwards her girlfriend also decided to tell me more about vampires and her "vampire family" it all went as far as them offering to turn me and allowing me to be in their family as well. Me being so infatuated with vampires and always wanting to be one, I didn't think twice about it, I just did whatever they told me to do. They took turns feeding from me and playing mind games with me for about 2-3 years until they go tired of me and threw me away like garbage. I was heartbroken and looking for anything to make me feel whole again, so I found comfort in church and Jesus, however around this time something in me was changing and I could feel it. The term "vampire" never left my head, I started doing research and going online to talk with people who identified as a vampire. I learned more about the culture and the community, but I was also looking for answers about myself. About a year ago I found someone online who I was very determined to get to turn me, I had waited long enough and this is what I wanted! What I deserved after all the hell I had been put through! We talked for a few months until I finally asked him the same question he had been asked millions of times, but he turned me down. He knew something about me that I never knew about myself. One day while we were talking about a "bad day" that I was having, he asked me I knew why I was dealing with all these new emotions, new situations, new energies. He told me to meditate and taught me how. I never knew that this entire time he was helping me through my awakening. After a very long year of dealing with the hunger, the energies, the anxiety, depression, feeding, struggles of not being able to feed, I've finally comes to terms with what I am. I still have days where I wonder if I'm just some delusional person whose desires got the best of them. My family has no idea only my significant other and a few select friends know about me. I come online to express myself and actually connect with others like me because I can't do it anywhere else. I'm sorry this was so long, I just figured I would give my backstory.

Welcome to the community and thank you for giving us some background on your story. So many join here without any word or information. First of all it seems to me that you have been deceived and manipulated many times, not by vampires but by people pretending to being vampires. That's where all the mind games and talk of turning is coming from. Now this doesn't mean that you're delusional at all, only that you have been unfortunate and targeted by the many liars out there. Trust me that kind of people are everywhere. It's possible that vampirism may be the path for you but that's a process of discovery that only you can walk but also requires the proper guidance and wisdom. Either way I hope you find some answers around here, take your time reading the tons of information that we have available and don't be so troubled with the word vampire and being identified by it. It's just a word. Truth is most people claiming to be vampires out there are just lonely humans seeking power, not vampiric at all. Real vampires are very hard to find, live in the shadows and in great secrecy, such as the Asetians and Sethians, the original vampire families in occult history.

I've actually never heard of Asetians or Sethians, but I look forward to reading more about them. I'm always up for learning more.
I am coming to the realization that I was played for a fool by those two girls and that they were nothing more than two regular people trying to look cool in high school. But thank you for the welcome, I hope to be hearing/reading more from you.