Raw Emotions, Honest Musings

Em Hotep.

Sharing a few thoughts here from my own blog. While they are not the prettiest thoughts, nor the most shielded, I hope the experience can somehow help others, or at least provoke some kind of deeper contemplation. Sometimes the most honesty is found in the things that are the most raw.



"There are some people whose minds I want to pick. I have several questions, none of which will ever be answered, not even when the sun finally dies and engulfs the earth in flames. Not even when the final black hole in some corner of the dying universe evaporates will these things ever be answered, yet the questions remain regardless. I want to be looked straight in the eyes and told, truthfully, explained to, truthfully, how they are able to lie so easily, and hurt others so easily. Are they able to look into my eyes and maintain the same mask they use to deceive themselves and others? How they are able to not feel anything, disrespect things that are sacred and divine with the same casual indifference of someone throwing trash into the ocean like doing so will make it disappear forever?
I don’t understand how some are able to conduct themselves with a complete lack of regard, how they can exist and breathe without any form of honor. We all make mistakes but it’s a massive puzzle in my mind how someone can just casually cause destruction and serious pain, wearing their lack of honor and loyalty like a badge of prestigious power. Having no concept, understanding, or semblance of what honor and loyalty even mean is a flag of supremacy to them. My mind bends itself into pretzels trying to understand. I reach for understanding of something alien to me, and fail miserably because of how far outside of my world it is. I am someone who always reaches for understanding, yet it may not ever happen in this case, something that causes me to be a bit perturbed.
Where does the fake power these things bring to them end and the weakness begin? To what extent does being real, feeling deeply, and being honest bring you issues? At any rate, such things will always be a part of my reality because of how important it is to me, yet it seems to be a double-edged sword, one that has cut me many times.
One thing remains certain. No matter what life throws at me, I’ve found a vital seed in Asetianism, something that touches on the core of my very soul. Honoring that is more important to me than anything else. No matter how other people behave, no matter how others might at times abuse the honor shown to them, I am determined to uphold my own internal code. There is a certain fire flowing within, and that can only be stoked and nurtured by honesty, humility and determination to evolve. The gates of evolution may never be crossed by those who approach with dishonor. For this code that has become a growing inferno inside of me, I must thank Asetianism and Karate both. For no matter how many times I am knocked down, I will always rise again.
Some pray for power, riches, prestige, recognition and fame. I pray instead that my passion for Aset will remain unbroken throughout the ages, no matter what stage I am at in my life. I pray that the fire may only grow, fed by determination and iron will, even as my physical vessel begins to fade. This, I believe, is the Gate many of us seek. This is a gate among the stars, gilded in violet, cloaked in impenetrable silence and darkness.
It was through the experience of rather extreme, intense pain that I learned of the inherent uselessness of words. Words themselves mean nothing – they are ashes in the winds of the ages. Words can decay as easily as paper surrendering to the effects of time. The word, it seems, requires the backing of honest force from within the Ib of the Ba. How do we prove our words to be true? I have learned that I can pick up on knowledge from anyone, even if that knowledge only consists of lessons as to how I shouldn’t be and what the wrong path is. We prove our words, we prove the purity of the Ib, by surviving the test of time. This is a true initiation that requires tremendous strength and endurance – an internal martial art in its very own right.
We have awoken to a silent call. There is desire, pain, sometimes confusion as the physical realm exerts its influence. However, there is also determination, joy, and celebration. In the end, life will knock us down, surprise us, sometimes even stump us, but picking the sword back up, standing back up, and walking in the undying footprints of the Gods is an honor that can carry us through even the biggest challenges.

https://etherealcatalystblog.wordpress.com/2020/05/23/raw-emotions-honest-musings/