Worried (Ex?) Vampire

I don’t know where this goes but it’s a help seeking forum. I am a 24 year old person who lived as a vampire until I was 19. I became convinced I wasn’t, and labeled myself as suffering with cotards syndrome and being a confused autistic person who was abused.

But things have started happening. My meat and iron needs have sky rocketed. I’ve found myself craving the artificial blood I used to ration as a teen. Like it’s not just craving iron like i have 0 symptoms of anemia and I’m actively craving my blood substitute.

(Due to being autistic I can’t stomach the salty iron taste of raw humans and prefer a fake sweet blood with an iron aftertaste but the same nutrients as blood)

I actually am married to a human who was with me when I was still actively living as a vampire and even has offered their blood to me.

The thing is I stopped, but I think it never left me. And that I can’t substitute with red meat anymore.

I’m scared that maybe I am mentally Ill, and if I’m not I’m scared to admit to my spouse that my vampirism is real and that I sadly need the expensive artificial blood again. We are poor and I’m ashamed of this. Please be kind.

A very serious matter; Search my sources.

Could you link the post? When I click your profile it just shows me your basic info and how much you’ve posted I can’t access any posts.

What you're describing sounds to me more like a so called "medsang" condition than metaphysical vampirism. What truth there is to that I don't know but there seem to be communities of people who rally around the concept, like the Red Cellar.

I know I’m a sanguinary vampire and I’ve accepted it, I just hoped I was mistaken and ignored the things that lead me to the conclusion and the fact I actively lived as one for 10 years and just ate more burgers and joked about it but it’s back with a vegence and no psych disorders cause blood lust. I know I have psych issues but active blood cravings that weren’t an issue when I drank synthetic blood is kinda obvious. I’m just scared now. I don’t know how to tell my spouse, they thought I had out grown it and the hunger is mind consuming, I feel I’ll need to buy blood soon. Due to covid I don’t want to risk feeding from them.

The bloods call has been bad. I salivate and the thought and word and usual blocks like the taste of skin don’t seem like anything anymore. I’ve been daydreaming about cutting my spouse and that angers me. I know I won’t and I can’t because of active covid and love for them but the fact that my vampirism has reminded me of my true self so hard so fast has really rocked me. I guess a vampire can only stay sane and ignore the thirst for 4 years max. At least for me.

The psychos over at the Red Cellar would be a better fit for you than this place. You might fit right in. They believe they're truly doing vital work for "medsangs" in need everywhere by advising grown adults over the internet that it is Very Bad to bite people and that cooking with cow blood will solve all your woes. Personally I find it a bit scary that people like this are running loose in our society. If you are an adult who needs people to talk you down from wanting to randomly cut people, you need a psych ward and not a vampire community. I would personally feel embarrassed if I reached grown adult level and marriage and needed stranger's advice on how to get blood, and a shoulder to cry on about why my life is so hard because I can't suck blood out of someone's neck artery. Jesus Christ.
Of course, we get all the clueless softies vehemently in opposition to this stance, as if being ill or impaired
magickally entitles people to endless kind tolerance and excuses them from having common sense like the rest of us. Forget dark paths, you must change yourself and soften up in order to please everyone otherwise you're a terrible person, I guess.

This community wasn't even initially created for this kind of thing. It was created for serious and educated discussion where minds and personalities of many backgrounds and varying experience levels could come together to share thoughts and debate. Now, here we are... Vampirism Forum seems to have mostly died. The only new content I usually see is from some lost person needing coddling and advice on their woes of blood deprivation, many trolls or stupid YouTube videos with practically zero relevance further cluttering an already cluttered forum.
It's almost like there is no valid reason to even check this place anymore or to bother with it at all.
I only come here to read from Victor, Jonathan or others who actually know what they're talking about.

Anyway, pardon me if I roll my eyes at this thread and its innumerable clones scattered throughout the cobweb-laden clutter. There are more important things to worry about and the vampirism craze needs to die in a hole, never to revive.
Grow up please.
There are more important things going on in this world. Much more relevant things to fight for. There are people dying of illness, fighting just to stay alive or even just to eat. The planet is dying. Etc, as cliche as it sounds.
After some years of constantly reading the same brand of idiocy I'm left thinking it isn't worth it to pull endless patience out of thin air for the most ridiculous of claims and people.
We all started somewhere and we all have things to learn, battles to conquer in life, but dear sweet gods, there has to be at least a modicum of common sense serving as a foundation for basic learning and growth otherwise what is the point.
It's like most public spaces turn into caricatures, a framework people use to reason with themselves about why many occultists are total whack jobs.
From stupid groups full of pretentious esoteric authors begging for attention by flexing their bare ass cheeks on Instagram alongside their grimoire promotions, to entire hordes begging for advice on if it's ok to worship Jehovah and Jesus while also being an almighty power of Hekate, to lost people trying to cover up their own inner voids with a false importance by abusing the vampire archetype, there is literally no end in sight to the fuckery.
I'm sorry, but seriously you should go back and do research on what this forum was supposed to be for and perhaps seek professional help, and only then consider returning here.
Or I guess keep adding to the cesspool of troll posts I've already lost count of.

Maybe don’t go off on a scared disabled person who’s trying to figure out what’s wrong wirh a scary symptom they’ve had since puberty. And you are the one going on about how the world has real issues when you came here to abuse. Not that you care but I literally can’t leave my home and have no car because like you said there’s real issues like being poor disabled and housebond as I actually am. Not that you would care but I’ve been searching around as I’m actually scared and ashamed and worried and it could be something called alliotriphogy, aka pica. You need to know that we are real people here who also have real issues and real emotions. We don’t deserve to read a 10 paragraph post of legit hatred towards us as we describe a scary medical symptom we don’t know what to do about. I’m not even asking for blood. My post if you read it at all was that I’m scared and confused. And that I even stopped believing I was a vampire years ago and am still trying to see what else it could be. I do care about my health and I have real life issues and want help. You should be ashamed. You forced a disabled person to read your abuse on a thread seeking help.

I came here for help, not to read someone type an essay on how I’m a psycho. I already know that. Why do you think I’m on random forums? It’s because I’m disabled poor and alone and all I have is the internet. I can’t even leave my bed. Don’t worry about me hurting anyone. I’m just a worried sick person and I didn’t need this shit.

I wish I could delete. I won’t be back here. I may have a weird form of pica according to my research and this was a vampirism forum with stuff about sanguinaries and i thought this was a safe place but apparently this isn’t for that and I’m a psycho. Then what is this place for? Certainly not for vampires suffering or those who think they may be vampires and want help. I didn’t ask for blood. I said how I was scared and worried and how I even stopped being a vampire because I thought it was a mental disorder called cotards syndrome as I’m open to learning and growing. But blood cravings are weird and not part of cotards. Apparently pica includes craving non-food items and not just swallowing things. Apparently that’s got to be it but that’s for nothing and the ptsd episode for an essay on how I’m a psycho.

I think what Sarah is trying to say in her own way is that what you really need is professional medical help. This doesn't mean that you're crazy or insane, but if you have a rare form of illness the only ones that can help you are the experts in the medical field. Taking advice online about it, whether here, in Red Cellar or another vampire community is likely to be more damaging than helpful to your mental state. We've seen it happen over and over.

There really are a lot of crazies, social predators and unstable people that will try to exploit people coming from a state of weakness or disabled. So please be careful.

Needing blood for a medical condition doesn't make one a vampire, it makes one a patient in need of medical assistance and proper professional care. There is no shame in that, but you should discuss this with an open-minded professional not someone in the vampire community. For your own safety. I hope this helps.

We do have specialized doctors in our community but unfortunately they are very busy fighting a global pandemic to have any time for online forums or social media...

We're not a sanguinarian vampirism forum, though, really. More to the metaphysical aspects, although blood consumption can be viewed under a metaphysical lens as well. I did redirect you to some more commonly known sources, like the Red Cellar, even if they might be of certain questionable content in some ways like Rhea Kaye pointed out in her response but I don't personally have a full view upon that.

Also there's no such thing as being a vampire for some years and then not being a vampire. If you are a vampire you'll be a vampire. Here we mostly see or treat vampirism as a condition of the soul. It's a metaphysical subject.

There's a point to what Rhea Kaye wrote though and that's to read and learn more about a forum before joining it and already asking repeated questions.

Sure you should find some help. But it'd be better to understand where to look for that help. Not every place is the same or a help/advise forum necessarily. This forum was more created for higher discussions upon metaphysics and the occult nature of vampirism as well as certain darker traditions.

EDIT BEFORE POST (due to other comments coming in): Now that Jonathan mentions it, I see it might not be a good idea to go for online groups after all. However my previous impression was founded upon that they seemed to establish themselves with some good reputation. Now I'm not certain, but as I said I haven't looked into it much personally; all I hear are mixed good and bad things.

Yes, my reply came from more of a place of frustration especially after observing places like the red cellar and how everything always seems to play out online.
I just miss the higher quality of this place.
I have no problem trying to help someone but they must be serious.
I recently dealt with a crazy stalker who claims to be dating Luis Marques so I suppose you could say my patience is just not there.
For your own safety I would echo Jonathan's words.... please seek medical attention, not strangers on the internet, many of whom will manipulate you and mess you up even more. And I suggest that with kindness in mind.

Rhea Kaye wrote:
I recently dealt with a crazy stalker who claims to be dating Luis Marques so I suppose you could say my patience is just not there.

I hope that wasn't another of the hundred fake accounts of Foroogh Mahafsoun and her endless fantasizing with Master Marques.

Different people but they sure do sound similar.
This one has been sending porn to the public Twitter account of Luis Marques, videos and photos of herself naked, for well over a year now. She recently got herself banned from our Discord.
She has also been harassing me for a long time. She has sent me death threats multiple times, claims I'm a European who needs to "stay away from him and respect their love" and claims to be Bastet.
The whole thing is painfully awkward especially as I'm a random Asetianist from the American Midwest who has never once set foot in Europe, but I guess if it wasn't me it would have been someone else she singled out and focused on.

They do sound extremely similar in antics.

I kind of wish I had been around to see her antics. It would have been fun to have some of it saved to show her many followers, as she seems quite paranoid and terrified about this community now.

Rhea Kaye wrote:I kind of wish I had been around to see her antics. It would have been fun to have some of it saved to show her many followers, as she seems quite paranoid and terrified about this community now.

Well, to be honest, yesterday I shared my real life story with one-on-one meet with potential (real?) vampire and few moments after, it was deleted, but I haven't broken any rules of this forum, if there are (any?), haven't seen such a topic with rules of the forum, but nevermind... I wish I coluld be part of something real, meaningful.... nevermind, don't know how many of you were able to read my story for the moments of time it was in this forum (without written rules?)

Please tell me you're not the schizophrenic who has been spamming personal porn on Twitter. You'd get eaten alive here, we aren't as nice here as we are on Discord.
If not, I'd recommend reading around here for posts from older members and doing some research before further posts.
Your post probably got deleted because it sounded silly and like role-playing, and that isn't tolerated very well around here. As far as who read it, I personally saw it and thought you were trolling.
Please keep my words in mind regarding careful research before going further. Everyone deserves a chance but some things we have just seen too much of.

Rhea Kaye wrote:Please tell me you're not the schizophrenic who has been spamming personal porn on Twitter. You'd get eaten alive here, we aren't as nice here as we are on Discord.
If not, I'd recommend reading around here for posts from older members and doing some research before further posts.
Your post probably got deleted because it sounded silly and like role-playing, and that isn't tolerated very well around here. As far as who read it, I personally saw it and thought you were trolling.
Please keep my words in mind regarding careful research before going further. Everyone deserves a chance but some things we have just seen too much of.

Haha, nah, haven't even heard of this dude who does this on Twitter, I was just purely honest about my story, and I am not into roleplaying, trolling, so... But nevermind. All I am into is the vampires, how to become like them and if I can become immortal. Just felt bad about the girl who ignored me this way, for no reason.

levski4ever, I'd say familiarize yourself with the contents on this forum first of all. There are no easy answers to your inquiries about vampirism and you'd have to study what we actually mean about vampirism here and separate fiction from reality.

As for the girl, we can't help you and that's not what the goal of this forum is, besides being public so asking about a random girl here would be quite the wrong way.

Okay. In that case welcome to the forum, but please try to improve the quality of your posts.
I suspect you'd get more help and a warmer welcome that way.

Tnak you MysticLightShinethForth and Rhea Kaye for the warm-like welcoming in this very cool forum, despite my very first post got deleted, I will learn kinda cool things that I am interested in no time at all, thank you for the welcoming, anyways, keep the good stuff comming here